We learned of the passing of our Elora Eita Nuri, whose three months in this world changed us forever. We carry your heart today, sweet girl, and every day.

September 11th marked the one year anniversary of the day that we received the referral for our little Elora Eita Nuri. There was a flurry of activity at that time � many families received their referrals after many months of waiting. Jeremiah and I received our referral much earlier than we expected, and were also shocked to learn that we had a girl. It was a happy, happy time and incredibly exciting. Remembering that feeling right now is bittersweet. In some ways, I don�t even feel like the same person.

I have a very difficult time with the phrase �everything happens for a reason�. In fact, it makes me angry. I cannot imagine any reason that would make �ok� so many of the injustices of the world. However, I am able to think about some of the positive things that come out of bad things. They may not make the loss worth it, but it does make it easier to bear somehow. So I would like to share how a child who lived just three months � who I never met, never held, never saw more than a photo and a sheet metal grave marker for � changed me forever, and changed the world around her as well.

1. Because of Elora, I have a much better understanding of the conflicting feelings an adopted child may have about their parents and their adoption. When Elora was sick, there were a number of other children sick as well. One family traveled early to be with their daughter, arriving shortly before our Elora passed away. Their daughter made it through and survived. I cannot think of her without thinking of Elora, and how things may have been different if we had gone too. Logically, I know that there is likely nothing we could have done that would have changed the outcome, but that thought still haunts me. I then think about my sweet Helen, and that if Elora had lived she would not be my daughter. She would be someone else�s. That is unimaginable to me. I really have a hard time working through the guilt I feel towards what happened to Elora (illogical as it is) without feeling like I am betraying Helen somehow. While I know it is not exactly the same, I imagine that this is somewhat similar to the feelings many adopted children have about the loss of their first parents - an illogical feeling that they are responsible for what happened, imagining what life would be like if they were still together, and then guilt as though this is some kind of betrayal toward their current parents, who they love dearly and cannot imagine being without. I hope that this experience will help me empathize and recognize these feelings in my children, and tell them that it is ok.
2. Elora�s loss kindled my friendship with Julie, who is an amazing person. She is my new friend for life (I hope) with whom I share, as she put it, this �strange and sad sisterhood�. She reached out to me when we lost Elora, and when she lost her Mina we supported each other. I will always be grateful for her friendship.
3. Because of Elora, I cannot keep emotional distance from the trials the rest of the world faces. I recently read a book, 28 Stories of AIDS in Africa. In the introduction, the author makes a statement that really struck me as sadly accurate of the attitude in our country towards the problems not only in Ethiopia, but in all of sub Saharan Africa. She says, and I am paraphrasing, that most people dismiss the horrible statistics (like that 43% of pregnant women in Swaziland are HIV+, or that the average life expectancy in many countries is under 40) by saying, �well, that�s Africa�, as though by virtue of being born on that continent people do not expect better, and do not feel as bad when a child dies or they themselves lie on their deathbed at 25. This is not true. And when you begin to think of the numbers as real losses, as millions of babies just like your own, as your child�s extended family members (and by virtue of adoption YOUR extended family) you cannot look at yourself or anyone else the same way again.
4. Elora�s Memorial Fund is expected to raise $15000 by the end of the year. While the project it will support is still under development, it is our hope that it will help bring medical care to the women and children of the region Elora was from. I hope that this can not only save lives, but reduce the number of children who are separated from their birthparents and keep families united.
5. Elora changed my ideas about what I want out of being a parent. When we started the adoption process the first time, we had to fill out a questionnaire that listed line by line what special needs we would or would not consider. It was a really hard exercise and made us take a very serious look at our expectations. Like many parents, we had daydreamed about our child�s future successes. We thought about this again when Elora was sick and we were not sure if she would make it, or if she did that she may have permanent effects from her illness. We realized that we were more open than we had thought. After we visited Ethiopia, it became even more real to us that many incredible older children or children with medical needs will never get adopted. Elora helped us to begin to think in terms of what we could offer a child, and helped clarify what was really important to us as parents.

On behalf of our entire family, thank you so much for all the support and love we’ve received during our process to adopt an Ethiopian child, and for doing something truly remarkable and meaningful for other less fortunate vulnerable children from Ethiopia like our late, sweet Elora. So much more needs to be done by globally-minded citizens working together to truly change the lives of disaffected children and families. As you may know, we have set up a memorial fund in Elora’s name through the help of our adoption agency, Children’s Home Society & Family Services (CHSFS). This decision comes from our hearts, which call us to continue to do more for vulnerable Ethiopian children. All these children deserve the right to overcome a very tough beginning and realize their full life potential within their adoptive or biological family. For this we need your continued support. The positive response to our fundraising effort for the Elora Memorial Fund has been amazing. We are very grateful for the generosity of many and very excited about continuing to obtain further support. We are confident that the Elora Fund will become an even more crucial component of a bigger, permanent solution to the difficult living and health circumstances faced by children and families from Hossana, an underserved large rural town in southern Ethiopia. In Hossana, CHSFS has made a noticeable footprint with sustainable community projects. The name of the project supported by CHSFS and the Elora Fund is called Hope for Hossana. We feel this project can truly make a difference in preventing more children from becoming orphaned, providing more children the opportunity for an education and to eventually use their skills to further improve the living conditions in the region. Hope for Hossana is a comprehensive project which will include a primary school, a maternity waiting home for at risk pregnancies, a pediatric intensive care clinic, a new children’s care center and a guesthouse for adoptive families staying in Hossana. The project will be funded through contributions made by a number of donor individuals and groups like the Elora Fund and is expected to cost about $1 million. As you may already know, Hossana is in the area both our Ethiopian girls came from. We know first-hand that this region has very few resources at its disposal. It desperately needs the support and assistance of international non-governmental organizations such as CHSFS. The Elora Memorial Fund donations will support the Hope for Hossana project and are tax-deductible. If you would like to continue to support this project, contributions can be directed to CHSFS. Please write “ET-Elora” on the memo line. The funds received will be deposited in a special account created for us. All donations will go directly toward the Hope for Hossana project. Please send checks directly to: CHSFS 1605 Eustis St St. Paul, MN 55108 With much love and thanks, Kellie and Jeremiah To learn more about this collaborative community project, visit http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Hope_for_Hossana.html.

We just finished packing and did the final "weigh in" for each of our four suitcases to make sure they are each below 50 lbs. It has been a long day. I ran all of our last minute errands and packed, while poor J had to work until 6:00 to finish the "year end" work for his department. It was a very stressful day for us both, but now we are both relaxed and quite tired, so I think we may actually get some sleep tonight :) It is amazing to think that we are leaving tomorrow morning, and that we will meet Helen on Saturday. Even more amazing is the fact that our home and family life will be changed forever when we return. We hope to be able to post from Ethiopia, at least a picture or two, but are unsure if we will have access to the site. Stay tuned!

We received an update today on Elora's Memorial Fund. We have a few checks at home to send off yet, but so far we have raised nearly $1500. Wonderful news! The fund is still "open" as well for additional donations: CHSFS 1605 Eustis St St Paul MN 55108 (Checks should be made payable to CHSFS. Write “ET-Elora” on the memo line.)

I have been thinking of Elora a great deal the past few days. Many families are leaving today or a week from today to bring their children home, and we would have been a part of this group. Our poor girl. Sometimes I still can’t believe we will never bring her home. I think it will help bring us some closure once we travel. I hope so.

Thank you for your love, support, and prayers, and for all of the kind messages and cards. I know it is difficult to know what to say, but it truly does help us to know that our Elora’s life had an impact on so many other people. We wanted to let you know what we have done since we heard of our terrible loss, and of what our plans are now. First of all, we are doing ok. We both have our ups and downs throughout the day. Sometimes I cannot speak or think of her at all without tearing up, and sometimes I can talk about the details just fine. Elora likely died of a septic bacterial infection of some kind, though we will never know for sure, since the advanced lab testing and blood cultures that are typical in the US are very rare in Ethiopia, and it was not done. She was three months old. We do not know whether the infection that killed her was the same one she had had twice previously, or a new opportunistic infection. We know that a nanny stayed with Elora while she was at the hospital, and that all the staff of the Care Center from the drivers to the director to the nannies mourned when they heard of her passing. The director’s wife, Tsewaye, stayed with Elora through her burial on Thursday, October 19th. Jeremiah and I had a memorial service at our Church for Elora on Friday, October 20th. We brought her photo and our most personal things for her. It was very difficult, but very cathartic for us. We hope to visit the site of her burial and give her nanny a hug when we go to Ethiopia. We believe these things will help bring us some measure of closure. We do wish we had had the chance to hold her, even just once. It is hard to think that perhaps, if she had been in the US or if they had access to the same quality of health care facilities and training in Ethiopia as they do in the US, our Elora would still be with us. However, we do know that the doctors and caregivers did everything within their power and training to save Elora. The reality, and injustice, is that so many things that are considered minimum standards of care here in the US are simply not readily available in Ethiopia. The Care Center and medical facilities our agency works with are among the best in Ethiopia. Considering how limited their resources are, and that most of the children in their care come from poor, rural areas where few people have access to adequate sanitation facilities and potable water, the work that they do and the success rate they have is remarkable and a testament to their dedication and love for the children. It is important to us to do something for the children that may help prevent this sort of tragedy in the future, even if it is small thing. Jeremiah and I have been working with CHSFS to set up a small memorial fund in Elora’s honor. We also feel that it will help us to see something tangible created or improved in Elora’s honor, since we will have no headstone or other physical thing to mark her life. Elora was at a small satellite care facility in the southern rural region of Ethiopia before she was moved to the main Care Center in Addis Ababa. The satellite Care Center in Hossana has recently grown and is much improved from what it was when Elora was there, but there is still a great deal that can be done. Jeremiah and I would like to purchase items that may help with preventing the spread of infection - things they currently do not have, like a washing machine, a refrigerator, and basic medical supplies. Currently, the nannies must wash all the laundry, including dirty diapers, by hand. They may also need a generator in order to use these items. If any of you are interested in contributing, I have put the details of how you can do so at the bottom of this message. We are so grateful to CHSFS and our social worker for working with us on this, as thinking and working on this project has been so important for Jeremiah and me as we try to process this terrible loss. Finally, I know many of you are wondering how all of this affects the timing of our adoption of a child. Our agency and our social worker have been just amazing in their understanding and flexibility in this regard as well, and it basically comes down to when Jeremiah and I are ready, with relatively little time and money lost. We do not “start over”. However, Jeremiah and I have certainly struggled with this. Ultimately, we realized that Elora has a permanent place in our hearts and our family, regardless of when another child enters our lives. We will likely be grieving her for a long time, and to some extent, forever. What is important is whether our grief affects our ability to emotionally connect with another child. At this time, we don’t know. However, we do expect to receive and accept the referral of another child within the next couple months, and will certainly keep you posted on this and other developments. With love and gratitude, Kellie Elora’s Memorial Fund Information: Donations are tax deductible. Checks should be made payable to CHSFS. Write “ET-Elora” on the memo line, and the funds received will be deposited in a special account created for us. All of the money received will go directly towards the purchase of the items we designate. Checks can be sent to CHSFS directly at: CHSFS 1605 Eustis St St Paul MN 55108 If it is easier for you, Jeremiah and I can take checks as well and will be sending them in a group. However, be sure to make it out to CHSFS if you would like to use the tax deduction.

It has been a week now since our little Elora passed away. I still have no idea what exactly to say or feel. At times there are too many different emotions, at others I feel as if I can't feel a thing... I'll feel "fine" one minute and then find myself tearing up the next. I find myself operating on autopilot a lot.

I'm angry, I feel powerless, and I feel physically weak... most of all though I'm sad. I can't believe I'll never get to hold my little Elora.

There will always be a special place in my heart for Elora… Elora will be with me forever in my heart. Given all this, I’m finding the weight of these emotions easier to bear.

Kel and I had a memorial service at our church on Friday and that helped a lot. We're working with our adoption agency to set up a memorial fund to honor Elora. Kel will be posting details about this soon...

We also want to let our friends and family know that we are still planning to adopt from Ethiopia, although we have no definite timeline yet.

Jeremiah and I are deeply saddened to report that our little Elora passed away. She developed a high fever which they were unable to control at the Care Center, so she was taken to the hospital around midnight. She passed away in the morning. Her nanny stayed with her the whole time, and we get some comfort in knowing that she was with someone who loved her. Jeremiah and I are grieving and trying to process this terrible news. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time, both for our little baby girl and for all the people who loved her.

Kellie took some photos of the nursery earlier this week; it's really coming together now... Just in time as well :) Clicking any of the pictures below should bring you to a larger version... See if you can spot the Romeo...

We have decided on a name for our baby girl. Our daughter’s full name on her birth certificate will be Elora Eita Nuri. We just could not part with either of her given names from Ethiopia, so she will have to deal with having two middle names :) We have also given her the name “Elora”, an English name and a longtime favorite of ours. It means “God’s Victory” which we feel is appropriate for our little girl for a number of reasons. Some of you may also recall that this is also the name of the baby girl in the 80’s movie, “Willow” who is prophesized to defeat the evil Queen Bavmorda and save the world. We don’t want to put that much pressure on her though ;-) Right now, our only hold up to travel is getting through the courts, as they are still closed. To our knowledge, the earliest possible day our adoption can be processed through court is November 2nd based on required waiting periods for adoption and the date that Elora came into the Care Center’s custody. We are optimistic about traveling within a few weeks following that date, but there is certainly the possibility of delays due to a backlog in the courts, political problems in the area, health problems, or any number of other unforeseen developments. Bottom line, we haven’t purchased our plane tickets yet, but hopefully should find out what our firm travel date is within the next four weeks (about 2-3 weeks before we actually travel). Some of you may also be aware of Elora’s recent health problems. She developed a cough, was vomiting, and was very weak and unable to suck or feed on her own due to an infection that made its way to her bloodstream. For this, she had to receive another round of IV antibiotics, fluids, and tube feedings. We were so worried about her. However, we are very happy to report that she is now “fully recovered”, feeding on her own, and off her medication. Updates are generally only provided if there is a health problem, so as long as Elora remains healthy we do not expect to receive any further updates. Of course, we continue to worry about her, but we have been reassured that the children’s overall health improves with the weather, and the rainy season is finally ending. There were many children ill when Elora was, and most have recovered or at least improved. We also are very confident that Elora is receiving the best possible care in Ethiopia at the Care Center. That fact offers some reassurance, but we still want her in our own arms as soon as possible.